So I'm apparently as terrible a blogger for this blog as I am for my other one. And I'm also a coward. True story. You see, I talk a big game; I was so brave I typed my weight and put it out there for all the world to see. And what do I do? Nothing.
I don't promote this blog one bit. So I guess I'm not really all that brave after all.
And I haven't started a huge work out regimen either; truth be told... I've been sleeping. A lot. I know that it's been proven that lack of sleep leads to weight problems and if there's one thing I would love to change about my current health it would be the sleep issue. I'm tired; all the time. It isn't something that comes and goes, it's something that I've apparently needed two weeks to recover from. I have these nasty permanent black eyes from lack of sleep, and they've finally been reduced to mere shadows. I've been sleeping whenever my body tells me to, and I've been sleeping as long as it tells me to (with the exception of a few "early" work mornings). And I feel better. But not great. I certainly don't have enough energy to wake up and jump on my elliptical in the morning and I've been staying away from stimulants lately. I have a love-hate-love relationship with coffee. It isn't just a love-hate relationship; it's circular. I get off the coffee bandwagon and stop drinking it all together. I get "clean". Then, I slowly start creeping up again. One coffee here and there, then a coffee a few mornings a week. Then a coffee every morning. Then they become triple-shots at Starbucks. And then before you know it I'm convincing myself that a double-shot afternoon pick-me-up is just what I need. So I stop drinking the coffee until the next moment of weakness. Right now I'm in a no-caffeine no-green tea phase. It'll end soon I'm sure.
The sleep issue stems from the Tourette's. I never had any sleep disturbance or insomnia issues until the diagnosis. You would think that with the amount of moving I do my body would be exhausted by the end of the day, unable to move much less fight sleep (you would also think that I would burn an insane amount of calories but alas, that's what metabolism-killing drugs will do to you). But you would be wrong. See... my brain is constantly "ON". It's like somebody flicked a switch and my brain is always having to be hypervigillant and aware of everything. I am always blocking tics. And you get used to it; I am more aware of my subconscious than the majority of the population is. But that's because I have to be. I have to stay one step ahead of the tics. But when it's time to go to sleep I can't just flick the switch to the "OFF" position and rest. The second I try to turn my brain off I lose control. I tic. Uncontrollably. Two nights ago I came thisclose to throwing myself out of bed and bashing my skull into the night stand. And it's happened before. So as soon as that happens I have to turn my brain back on to get control, and then start all over again. I read a lot at night, the same books over and over and over, trying to get my brain to shut down on its own. And it works, mostly. But it also means it takes me over an hour most nights to fall asleep. I read somewhere it takes the average person 7 minutes (minutes!) to fall asleep. I about died laughing. So the sleep thing compounded with the constant movement and constant mental exertion is what does me in and is why I've spent two weeks doing nothing but sleeping a lot. And I'm not ashamed to admit that.
I'm being mindful about what I eat, only eating when I get hungry and trying not to snack, but I haven't made the best food choices lately. For now, that's about all I'm capable of doing. I'm hoping that once my work schedule for the summer starts I'll have to force my body into more of a routine, which will allow me to work working out into my schedule. I really don't do good with a lot of down time; I'm very bad at convincing myself to do things I need to do. And it doesn't help that I woke up this morning with only one functioning foot and I haven't slept properly the last few nights. Zzzzzz....
I have been crocheting like a banshee trying to get enough items amassed to open my etsy store. So that's helping with my weight loss indirectly. If both of my hands are busy with yarn I can't eat. :)
I weighed myself yesterday; 256.4 pounds. And never again.
No comments:
Post a Comment