Irony

Funny enough, no doctor I have ever been to has ever said anything about my weight.  And I really wonder why this is.  Is it such a taboo subject that a doctor won't even broach it?  Do they know that my weight gain is caused by the pills they prescribed?  Or is it something else?

Maybe because I never brought it up, they didn't feel the need to...

I'm very bitter towards doctors, and I really doubt this attitude will ever change.  I can't believe that no doctor ever bothered to connect my ever-increasing weight to the pills.  They prescribed pills that could cause weight gain, but they never bothered to monitor it.  Never once did they ask if there was anything in my lifestyle that could cause weight gain.  And now I'm 271.8 pounds and off the meds and have nowhere to turn.

I've tried everything I know how to do and I still can't lose the weight.  I'm eating less than an average person (maybe 2 meals a day), but I'm still not losing.  I'm working out once or twice a week, and not losing an ounce.

I'm so angry at the doctors who watched me gain weight for six years and never once said anything about it.  Who watched me become obese and never once said, why don't we try a different medication.  Never once asked if I was eating healthy or working out.

Did they just assume I was making the wrong food choices?  Did they assume I was binging?  Did they think I never went to the gym?  All of the above?

I know as the patient, it is my responsibility to bring up issues of concern to my doctors.  But as a teenager, battling everything I am challenged with, when your doctor doesn't mention your weight gain you think, Maybe this isn't so bad...  Maybe I'm really not gaining as much weight as I think I am.  Which isn't true.

I have gained over 100 pounds since I was 15; pre-Tourette's.  I gained 50 pounds in 9 months of anti-depressants, and the rest I have gradually put on since then.  I have gained 30 pounds since this time last year; due to medication.

And in the 7 months since I got off all the prescription meds, I've only gained 10 pounds.  All of which happened between April and July.

For the last 4 months my weight has been stable.

That is something I have never been able to say.

I'm so frustrated at myself for not wanting to face this sooner, but I'm more frustrated with the doctors for not being willing to broach this topic with me.  For not being willing to admit that maybe a pill they gave me was causing my weight gain as opposed to a lifestyle choice.

This isn't me.  This isn't who I am.  I am not a "fat girl".  The pills made me this way, but now it is my job to try and change this. 

I am seeing an endocrinologist in January and I am praying (literally) that he will have something to offer me other than the customary, I'm sorry.  Because if this doesn't work...  I have no other choices.

I'm eating healthy.  I'm working out.  Weight loss surgery wouldn't help me because I'm not an over-eater.  I'm simply somebody whose metabolism doesn't work.  Because once upon a time, doctors thought it was more important to be doped out of my mind than to be overweight.  They thought that it was better to expose my body to all of these poisons than to have Tourette's.  They wanted to fix a part of me that doesn't need fixing.  That part of who I am will never be fixed.  But this... my weight...  needs to be fixed. 

And I find it excruciatingly ironic that I now have to rely on doctors to help me when the doctors are the ones who gave me the pills that put me in this position in the first place.  Lovely.