Moving Forward

I'm trying to move forward.  Move on with my life.  Stop hating myself; stop hating everytime I have to look in a mirror or watch videos from our behavioral lab.  And it's hard.

I'm becoming more honest with myself about what I have to live with.  I am healthy.  I am eating balanced meals and getting a good amount of fruits and veggies.  I am seriously decreasing the number of carbs I eat; and the ones I do are whole-grains.  And yet, my weight doesn't change.  This is the hardest part.  If I were to see just a tiny, miniscule, change on the scale, I might not feel so forlorn.  So I'm trying not to be; I'm trying to feel comforted by seeing the same number over and over on the scale.  That means I'm not gaining weight.  That is a good thing. 

I'm finding a balance.  I'm not going overboard and spending hours upon hours at the gym every week.  I'm working out once or twice a week.  And when I do I'm able to keep up and get a good workout without huffing and puffing.  This is a change from a few months ago.

I'm eating healthier meals and bringing lunches to school instead of buying something for lunch.  This means I eat at better times too; instead of waiting until I am starving at 3:00 in the afternoon, I'm munching on healthy snacks for lunch at a normal lunch time.

But I'm also having small amounts of (good) ice cream after dinner when I want it.  I'm having the occasional latte from Starbucks.  I'm going out with friends and ordering what sounds good to me and eating until I'm full; instead of finding what looks to be the healthiest thing on the menu and not enjoying it.

This balance will be important for when I am finally able to start losing weight.  And at least I know once all my weight is lost, I will be able to maintain it.  Because, apparently I am very good at maintaining.

I weighed in at 272.8 this weekend; so absolutely no change.

October goals review...

Get an appointment with an endocrinologist (something my psychologist and I feel is necessary to determine what is actually going on with my metabolism).
Done!  I will be seeing an endocrinologist who specializes in metabolism problems in December.  And fingers crossed, he is able to figure out why my body refuses to lose weight.

Acquire a tape measurer and take my measurements.  Post said measurements so that I can't lose them.
Yeah... this one didn't happen.  Again.  I'm putting it on the back burner for a month or so.  Once I know I can lose weight and I pick back up at the gym, I will worry about this.

Stop getting on the scale once or twice a day.  Once a week is good.
I actually did this consciously, instead of simply forgetting to weigh myself because I was so tired.  Yay!

No more than four fast-food meals this month (this accounts for the nights I have late classes and don't want to think about cooking a healthy meal at 8:30 at night). 
Done!  This is something I will continually make a goal, but I won't worry so much about it this month as I seem to have broken the fast-food-dinner-every-night trend I had going in September.

November goals:

Get back to my vitamin/supplement regimen (green tea supplements, multi-vitamin, vitamin-D, B-complex, glucosamine).  I stopped taking them when I got sick in September and I oscilated between taking everything, taking some of them, and taking none of the aforementioned supplements last month.  I added each of them to my diet for a reason, now it's time to start taking them again.

Eat breakfast.  Every morning.  (Ugh.)